Little ways we show up we think no one notices matter.
It can be overwhelming being a mom. I’m typing this on Thanksgiving morning, a time for family, and there was a time this would have made me feel guilty.
But I had inspiration and ADHD brain has been difficult this week, so I told them “20 minutes just to get it out so I don’t forget.”
All because an Instagram reel got me thinking of all the ways my mom protected me and didn’t even know that’s what she was doing - or that that was what I needed her to do.
No diagnosis. No credible reason for why I was who I was.
At least not at the time.
She probably doesn’t know (though she might after she reads this, if she does) that every time she was my voice when I couldn’t be my own that it meant something. Maybe I didn’t recognize it in the moment, but I sure do now that I have to do that for two others that God gave my particular brand of DNA.
She might not know that every time she tried to shield me from costumed people, or prepare me for loud noises, or intervene when someone commented on my picky eating (which I know felt like a battle to her sometimes) that she was making my small corner of the world safer for me and others like me - my own kids included.
When we had no official labels. When all we had was “she’s just angry.” “She’s just anxious/depressed.” “She’s just weird and quirky and a nerd.” (To be fair, I totally am still a weird, quirky nerd, and I love it.)
We do that now.
And for many of us it feels like a lot.
I sit with clients - several in this season, it feels - that wonder if they’ve done enough or are doing enough. Moments happen that make them question how they’re managing motherhood.
Making them think, “What if I’d seen…” Or “maybe I should have handled this differently.” Or “we could have gotten xyz taken care of earlier if I’d known.”
I know those moments. I’ve had them myself as a mom. I have had so many moments of feeling overwhelmed by this blessed and mystical job that is motherhood.
Something I’ve come to realize by watching my mom and working with the moms I’ve worked with is:
you do the best with what you know in the moment, and then when you know better, you do better.
You can’t act on information you don’t have.
You can’t suddenly know what you don’t know.
Sometimes you will make a misstep. Sometimes you will get overwhelmed - especially us neurospicy or chronically ill moms.
Sometimes your emotion will get the better of you.
In all of these, what will come to matter is the follow up and the repair.
What matters is how you proceed going forward with new information.
How you continue to do the little things to protect your kids.
What will matter is how you treat your child overall, as a human being.
What will matter is them seeing you doing better and better, being the best you can be in each new stage, following each repair attempt, and loving them & yourself fiercely through it all.
When I was 18 years old, I was old enough to watch my mom go through one of these “you can’t know what you don’t know and you can’t act on information you don’t have moments.”
It’s something I don’t know if I’ll ever talk about to anyone outside of my mom and my husband.
But even with anesthesia wearing off, I could see it. Recognize it.
A battle I deeply recognize myself now as a mom and a therapist.
"What if I’d known. I could have done…something.” (Strike that - she would have done something. My Momma don’t play about her kids.)
It’s a battle I’ve known for over a decade working with kids and their families. A battle I know intimately now as a mom. A battle you’re undoubtedly familiar with yourself.
What if I’d made a different choice?
What if I could have made xyz better sooner?
What if we could have had xyz diagnosis or resources younger?
What if…?
But the little ways you protect your kids - with and without concrete knowledge or answers, that’s how you know you’re a good mom. Because you protect them in the little day-to-day things.
Things that don’t even make sense to you, but they are just your kid.
Things that send you to bed at the end of the day completely depleted, but you’ll wake up tomorrow and do it all again.
Things that you love and fiercely stand by that the rest of the world doesn’t get.
Little moments you feel guilt over that in the grand scheme of things actually make a huge positive impact on your family and your own mental health (hello writing an unplanned blog post and newsletter on Thanksgiving morning.)
You’re a fierce protector, but who’s supporting you?
Who’s helping you make your dreams come to life without losing your ever-lovin’ mind?
Who’s in your corner while you do everything for everyone else, often unnoticed?
Who’s helping you make sure your creative business thrives while you have as much mom-time as you want, and without losing yourself in the process?
If your answer is, “I don’t know. No one.”
Or “My spouse/parent/etc, but other than that it’s just me. With limited childcare resources.”
Or even, “I have a lot of support but still know there’s a disconnect somewhere. I want to do it all without burning out or with work-life balance, but it’s hard.”
Then, let’s talk.
I started the shift from therapy (which I still love to do) to coaching for moms exactly like you. Who want more time with their families, flexibility to be there with their kids, want to find the balance between work-life, and who feel like they are losing themselves in it all (or don’t want to get that far).
The Cozy Rhythm Method was designed EXACTLY for you. And there is something dropping tonight at midnight that you won’t want to miss.
From me & mine (the girl child is out there setting a cute Thanksgiving table for us, personalized placemats and all),
Blessings and Happy Thanksgiving
This post has been cross posted here and my Substack same day, but often I share these kinds of deeply personal post on my Substack a few days earlier than here. If you want this kind of encouragement and connection about motherhood and self-employed creative business and not losing your ever-lovin' mind in it all straight to your inbox, sign up for my Substack.