I have been struggling a lot lately with my mindset. It’s been holding me back in my business and my connection with others in the online space.
We are in a time where disabled and chronically ill persons are feeling their livelihoods limited, their support systems stripped, and their very existence be questioned.
That puts me in a very interesting position. Chronic illness is my reality. Daily pain—my baseline is a 3-ish - 4 each day—is my reality. Migraines, POTS symptoms, chronic fatigue, these are all my reality.
HOWEVER, I also have no choice.
I’m a mom who has to show up daily.
Many people look at the very sentence “I do it because I have no choice,” as a form of internalized ablism. Because some people still CAN’T.
The fact is, it’s a bit more complicated than all that. While internalized ableism exists, it’s more complicated than many of the boxes we put it in. My struggle has been not wanting people to think less of me because I have this pushing forward in work and motherhood—many days because I have to.
My kids and my very livelihood depend on it.
Yet, I’ve done the things that go along with chronic illness:
- grieved my life as it was and as it won’t be
- found ways to adapt my life
- mourned lost nights with my family
- adjusted my expectations and dreams
- been to countless doctors appointments
- taken many different meds—that didn’t work
Still, I press on. And I do so worried that others will judge me as too sick and lazy, while others might call me ableist. Because I have no choice but to keep working. Keep doing dishes. Keep doing laundry. Keep up with the house and home.
I literally have no choice.
So, with this playing on my mind, it’s been hard to show up authentically. Hard to keep my mindset on showing up and marketing. Hard to know who I’m even talking to and what to say.
And while I don’t have any answers about this tonight, this inner conversation of chronic illness, internalized ableism, and “I have no choice” will continue to play on. All I can do is what I’ve always done.
Just, with more rest.
More community.
More transparency.
Less people-pleasing.
Less urgency.
More being & less actual “doing”.
Even though I don’t have the answers tonight, I want other moms to know they aren’t alone. In the chronic illness and “I have no choice” trenches, and that it doesn’t simply mean internalized ableism. It’s more complicated than that, and they aren’t alone.
So, for tonight, I’m talking to you. The few moms who do seem to understand. Who are creative and dreamers, yet resign themselves to limitations their bodies set. Who know life has to keep moving forward, even when flare days come.
We’re in this together.
Authenticity & connection are two ways we burnout-proof and balance our lives, and I’m glad you’ve found your way here.
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P.P.S. Behind the scenes, life has been exactly what I built it for. That’s been a huge blessing during a season of illness, chronic flares, PMDD, and random school closures. If you want to be fully there, in a life designed to work around your needs and those of your family, snag a spot in my signature program, The Cozy Rhythm Method, where I help you burnout-proof your life, find your rhythms & balance, and rediscover who you are now. Comment to know more.