If you've ever felt like you don't belong or live up to your role - in your profession or as a parent - this post is for you. If you have felt like you're not good enough or not as good as so-and-so or don't know what you're doing or flat out feel like an imposter, this post is for you.
Imposter syndrome plagues many of us - possibly up to 70% of us. Let's chat about it.
What is imposter syndrome & how to get to the other side.
Imposter syndrome is this persistent feeling that we are a fraud in our role, or in our field. This doesn't just mean our position at work. This can be in our creative life or our life as partners and parents. It's as if we aren't good enough to be in that role - no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary.
For example, if you're an artist, it could show up in the way you feel about how your art shows or sells or how someone else's art shows/sells. If you're a mom, it might show up in the way you feel after encountering mom-fluencer content or when you have a hard day of parenting.
Imposter syndrome is about how we perceive ourselves in that role in that season.
I felt it while recording the video that goes along with this blog, because I haven't filmed in that manner before and I'm not a video creator, perse.
Imposter syndrome shows up in contradiction to evidence that we are good at what we do and we do belong in the rooms we enter. It's an experience that often opposes what is real.
How does it relate to burnout?
Burnout and imposter syndrome can feed into one another. One doesn't cause the other, but they can play into one another.
When we are burnt out, we often feel overwhelmed, unmotivated, like we can't go forward. Things become too much, and this can really tie into our imposter syndrome. It can leave us with a cynicism of what we are doing and that specific role that is affected by these feelings.
How imposter syndrome comes about and how it plays out:
Imposter syndrome and burnout can play out similarly in our lives, especially when they are so closely related.
Imposter syndrome can look like withdrawing from things, while also taking on more and overproducing out of fear of judgement. We worry that someone else will notice that we're a fraud and might come in saying "you don't belong here" or "you don't know what you're doing."
This is another way we can find ourselves in burn out, because we ended up overextending ourselves in order to prove to others - and ourselves - that we in fact ARE NOT imposters. This could lead to an insistence on proving ourselves or the eventual desire to completely shut down or quit.
A lot of us simply want to be good at our roles. We want to be experts in what we do: good wives, good mothers, good artists, good at our jobs/careers, etc. We want to do the best we can for ourselves and our families and our lives. When we feel imposter-y, we can take away from our ability to do just that. When imposter syndrome hits, it can feel very heavy, because it feels so real in the face of contrary evidence that it's quite the weight to carry.
This isn't just happening in our workplaces or our creative spaces, either. It's happening to us as parents and as partners. Still, how we deal with it is much the same in any role we feel it.
What do we do to overcome imposter syndrome?
- Find support. We find someone to partner with us, if we need. You can talk to a therapist/counselor, a coach, a mentor. Someone who can walk it with us. That's what I love about being a coach. I love having the ability to partner with women to recover from burnout, overcome imposter syndrome, coping with their functional anxiety, and creating lives they are absolutely in love with. Sometimes this support is simply for maintenance, and even that is great.
- Get in community. Find a community who shares your concerns, or who understand the struggles and experiences of the particular role you're having trouble showing up in. Find other moms, artists, or colleagues that can be part of your community so you don't feel so isolated in the experience.
- Self-care. While self-care is not a cure-all, it can make a HUGE difference when we make self-care a priority in our lives. This includes taking breaks, moving your body, getting enough water and sleep. This includes your basic human care tasks. This also includes those weekly habits like getting out in nature and intentional times of rest and hobbies. These moments of self-care can really help us move through this imposter syndrome and burn out experience.
- Redefine your narratives. Redefine what success looks like for that role. Redefine how you see your shortcomings. Also, consider, for example, if your education/training was lacking a particular area of knowledge, so you feel behind, you get to decide to go learn it for yourself. We don't have to compare to others, we just recognize that there's a gap in the training and we can learn that piece. We can decide our niches and then realize the need for all other knowledge in our field isn't necessary.
- Examine the evidence. What evidence do you have that you belong here? That you belong in this space with everyone else? We tend to pay attention to the evidence that supports the narrative we already believe - in this case imposter syndrome. However, chances are, most of the evidence we have is to the contrary. That is the evidence we need to pay attention to. Our education. Our training. Our successes. The positive feedback we've received. The fact that we've learned and grown from the critical feedback received. Look for the mountain of evidence that you ARE NOT AN IMPOSTER, because I guarantee it's there. You belong in these rooms.
- Celebrate. Celebrate it all. Your achievements. Your strengths. The positive feedback you get. The ability to ask for help when you need it. Celebrate the deals you make or the sales you get or whatever it is for you. Celebrate that you are still trying, trying, trying again. Take on the positive feedback of others and celebrate it. Believe your peers and others when they give positive feedback and say you belong in the space together with them (then, you can turn around and support them, too). Celebrate. It. All.
This topic came up because I had been hearing the voice of imposter syndrome in my own head. It was getting loud, and I really had to examine my own evidence. As this has been pinging in my brain, I followed my own advice. Finding the evidence. Celebrating the wins. Celebrating where I've come from and knowing I can walk this with other people.
When we sit down and really focus on the evidence, prioritize self-care, celebrate the wins, seek support outside of ourselves, we really start to get a better view of ourselves and really rewrite that imposter narrative.
It helps us to remember who we were, why we started, how we got here, and why we fill these roles today.
There is a way out of this. You don't have to feel like an imposter for the rest of your life. And, chances are, you're not an imposter. You are there for a reason. You take up space in these roles for a reason. You show up for a reason.
There is hope and you don't have to do it alone. You can be empowered to overcome imposter syndrome and reclaim your confidence.
You can be that version of yourself that you think is out of reach because you're an imposter. You're not an imposter and that version of yourself isn't out of reach. You can get there.
If you'd like to work with me or see if we're a good fit, reach out for a free 15-minute phone consultation and let's chat!
