If you're constantly feeling like you're drowning in expectations and overwhelmed by all the hats you wear as a mom, you're not alone. So many of us feel the pressure from all sides.
Whether the Pinterest-perfect parties or the Instagram-worthy homes, there is a constant daily barrage of input that makes us all want to be perfect and have it all. The desire to have it all together is overwhelming for so many of us.
Want to know a secret, though? You don't have to accept these unrealistic expectations as your reality. You don't have to settle into the norm of overwhelm and keeping up with the Kardashians (or whomever you're trying to keep up with) as a way of life.
You set the tone in your home. You determine what works for your family, even if it doesn't make sense to those around you. Even if it is counter to the societal norms that surround you.
Still, we have to take a look at how societal expectations - and the expectations we place on ourselves - contribute to our burnout, our loss of self, and the lack of balance we feel in our lives. Then, we can talk about how to break free from these chains of expectations.
What Expectations Are We Living Under?
Society sets up unattainable expectations for women especially. When we strive to live up to expectations in the home, in career, etc, we end up in burnout.
All over social media, in our politics, in our churches, we are faced with what women should do: work or stay at home. Have a family. Have hobbies. Have friends. Be married. Put everyone else's needs above our own. We are encouraged to "get our pre-baby body back" and maintain a feminine figure.
The list goes on and on. We are faced with these through the news, social media, local laws, and more.
This isn't to say, "women should stay home" or "working women shouldn't have families". No.
Women should be able to work and have families, but I'm suggesting there might be better ways to manage so we aren't burned by our own or society's expectations.
These relentless pressures take a toll on our mental well-being, and can have an impact on our physical well-being, also. It's the attempts to juggle all these roles and unrealistic standards that lead us into burnout, overwhelm, loss of self. We spend our lives just trying to get it all balanced and in order.
Studies have recently shown that rates of moms experiencing stress, anxiety, and depression are rising. The world since Covid-19 is markedly different from before. Still we have to strive for perfection, balancing all the things and it's leaving us feeling like we're falling short and/or failing as mothers.
The pressures along with outside unknowables (school safety, illness, access to friends/hobbies) make these rising rates make sense.
We don't have to accept this as our reality and we can take control of our mental wellness
The good news is, no matter how tricky the systems, we don't have to stay trapped in the cycle of exhaustion, overwhelm, self-doubt, and anxiety.
There are a few things we can do - starting today - that will take some of the load off. Things that allow us to build a life we love, and rest in knowing we are doing what makes sense for us and our families.
Six things you can do today to move yourself in the right direction are: delegating/outsourcing, re-prioritizing, establishing a life rhythm (hello boundaries and balance), managing your nervous systems, improving your coping skills, deeply practicing gratitude.
We obviously can't ignore the systemic issues and societal pressures all together, but we can - on a personal level - get our own joy, fulfillment, and peace of mind back.
The journey of motherhood is full of ups and downs. Every day won't be perfect, or even happy. But, overall, the picture can be beautiful, and we can find beauty in the every day.
I also created a guide that is a roadmap for moms to break free from these expectations and reclaim their lives. This guide goes deeper into these six changes we can make and helps guide you implementing them into your life so you can create more balance, joy, and fulfillment in your life.
As moms, it's time for us to prioritize our well-being and rewrite the narratives of motherhood on our own terms.
I hope that in reading this, you realize you can stop striving for perfection and embrace the messy, beauty reality of motherhood. Your own brand of motherhood. You deserve to live a fulfilled life of joy, peace, and abundance of spirit. If you don't know where to start, this guide can be your jumping off point. Let today be the first step toward reclaiming your life and living free on your terms.
